foolZONE Special Reports for April 1, 2006

April 1, 2006, somewhere in Maryland...Congressional approval of the National Communications Rights Act (NCRA) is receiving a warm welcome from leaders in the law enforcement community -- and from cellular telephone and e-commerce industries -- as a revolutionary measure that is expected to simultaneously make the United States safe against terrorism and boost its flagging economy. Under the NCRA, every man, woman, and child over five years old, will be under continuous surveillance using a GPS-enabled 3G handset that they will be required to carry at all times (pets under 30 lbs. are exempted). Besides allowing the nation's law enforcement agencies to use the cellular infrastructure to monitor suspicious conversations, the system's unique ability to track user's whereabouts within a meter or two is expected to create a multi-billion-dollar industry for delivering location-based advertising to everyone's handsets.

"Our goal was to develop a surveillance system powerful enough that that the terrorists among us can't so much as write threatening graffiti on public restroom walls without facing a rapid air strike from a flight of F-18s," said Mikhail Chartopp, Deputy Under-Under-Secretary of Homeland Security. "And we're really pleased that the revenues from licensing the national location database to select advertisers will not only pay for the system, but actually help finance the rest of our anti-terrorism activities. It's a win-win partnership between government and corporate interests," he added.

Officials expect that the law requiring that a citizen carry his or her cell phone at all times will be easy to enforce thanks to body proximity detectors and biometric identification chips embedded in the handset, that allow it to report any user who fails to keep the phone within 1.5 meters. These same features will also allow it to act like a national ID card as well as a highly tamper-resistant electronic wallet for e-commerce transactions. "The convenience of doing all one's business via a single device will help motivate most citizens to carry the phone at all times, as well as avoid the costly fines and jail terms for failing to do so," said Chartopp.

The ambitious program finally found traction early last year in the form of a unique partnering between public sector law enforcement agencies and private sector e-commerce to create the first self-financing security system in the world. Known as the "Pays for Itself Government Security System" (PIGSS), the nationwide surveillance network will license use of the system's federally mandated E-911 location capabilities to companies interested in providing location-based services to an estimated 237 million users. Anticipated applications include delivery of location-specific ads, e-coupons, and electronic jingles that grab the user's attention to whatever restaurant, shopping mall, or hobby shop they happen to be passing by. Initial projections indicate that revenues from the PIGSS system will repay its initial deployment cost and begin to turn a profit within 18 - 24 months. Additional revenue streams might include licensing the system's location data to Pentomino's Pizza and Federal Excess for personalized "when you want it, where you want it" delivery services.

US Paralegal General Alberto V'Ohfive acknowledged that critics might draw unsettling parallels between PIGSS and the always-on two-way televisions in George Orwell's novel, 1984. "In order to put the public's fears to rest, each handset will be equipped with an on/off switch that turns off the screen and deactivates most of the unit -- except for the government-mandated auto-locate and audio monitoring functions," he explained. "This way, people will be able to enjoy a sense of privacy while our nation's interests are still protected" concluded V'Ohfive.

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