foolZONE Special Reports for April 1, 2006
Single Use Computer Lives Up
To Its Name
RipcoCorp's E-Waste 2000™ Disposable Laptop Delivers
Care-Free Computing At Less Than A Nickel-A-Minute
reviewed by Dave Bell
Building on the momentum of its wildly-successful single-use cameras
and video recorders, the Ripco Corp has unveiled the world's first single-use
computer, and the first to retail for less than $100. A joint venture with
mega-retailer Mal*Wart, the E-Waste 2000™ will sell for a mere $99.99999,
including a single-use CD of your work.
The E-Waste 2000 achieves its small size, light weight, low cost, and
virtually silent operation by omitting a cooling system. This design also
conveniently lends itself to the single-use functionality. Just before the
CPU's internal temperature reaches 165°F, the E-Waste 2000 "burns"
and ejects a CD of your saved work. Seconds later, a heat-sensitive nano-incendiary
device causes the Windrow™ operating system to self-destruct, thereby
shutting down the computer and narrowly averting a meltdown.
Take the CPU to the nearest Mal*Wart, and for a $9.999 processing fee,
a trained technician will install a free replacement Windrow. Mal*Wart CEO
Sammy "Sam" Malton promises that every Mal*Wart Super Store will
have at least one trained technician on site by mid-summer, making it easier
than ever to get your free replacement Windrow installed while you shop.
The Pent-up XXIV™ processor provides speed and power to spare, and
the E-Waste 2000 comes loaded with the kind of software you'd expect in
a high-end machine. The Cubicle 2003 Productivity Suite™ by Orifice
Software features:
- a two-function, four-digit spreadsheet that automatically rounds to
the nearest dollar and enables you to add, subtract -- you name it;
- a three-field database that holds up to 100 entries;
- a generous five-page word processor.
analogZONE Says:
After extensive tests of the Waste 2000 in the green-techZONE
labs, we found the one-shot computer to be refreshingly unpretentious for
a merlot, with full-bodied aroma and just a hint of hazelnut. In fact, it
was so quiet we didn't even know it was turned on. Ripco CEO John "Jon"
Ripitoff told green-techZONE to expect
the E-Waste 2000 to run for two to three hours before shutting down, depending
on ambient room temperature. In fact, we were able to stretch that to a
full three-and-a-half hours by taking our preview model out to the old deserted
barn behind the garage here at analogZONE's
northern test facility in Frostville, MN during exhaustive trials one night
last February. With a little practice, you, too, can get a lot of use out
of the E-Waste 2000.
What can you expect next from the creative folks at Ripco? Ripitoff tells
us to look for the Cingle-View -- a single-use CRT monitor made from recycled
TV sets, followed by a single-use cell phone, the Cingle-Air 100. Ripitoff
was non-committal about the suggested retail prices of these products, saying
only that they will end with "a lot of nines." Whatever the price,
you can bet that we'll review it here first, as soon as we get our free
sample.